Fixing the Pursue-Withdraw Cycle with Couples Counseling
Couples counseling, also known as marriage or relationship therapy, needs a skilled couples counselor – someone trained in the dynamics of marriage. Most couples experience a push and a pull in their relationship. One partner often reaches for attention and connection only to find their partner backing away further. The other partner may feel crowded and controlled and backs away to keep things calm in the relationship. Ironically, the more they try to stay logical or positive, the more their partner gets critical and angry.
This pursue-withdraw dynamic is common in long-term relationship. Pursuer get angry because they are hoping to create change. Withdrawers, go away because they feel they are failing and not good enough. Common – but sooo frustrating. In couples counseling you can learn how to stop the push and pull and get couples, to see your partner’s perspective, have your partner begin to own part and find secure intimate connection!!
The Training of our Therapists
Our therapists have all had over 52 hours of special training in couples therapy in a mode of treatment called Emotionally Focused Therapy! EFT is the most scientifically-researched treatment in couples counseling. Here are four benefits to EFT couples counseling that we practice at our center:
Four Benefits
- Intimacy and Connection. One of the main benefits of couples counseling is that it helps couples to communicate more effectively, thereby increasing intimacy and connection. We understand that couples’ connection needs body and soul connection. Sex is so important but many people don’t feel sexual until they are emotionally connected; often married to someone who can’t feel emotionally open until the sexual connection is secure. Couples counseling can deal with sensitive or difficult topics. You can feel safe to deal with delicate topics in therapy.
- Conflict Resolution. Conflicts are the surface manifestation of the negative cycle. Therapy can help equip the couple to recognize the pattern of the negative cycle, providing the couple with an understanding of the source of their conflicts and empowering them to make the moves to resolve conflicts. Yes, marriage or partnership can be a bewildering array of different conflicts. But couple’s counseling will help you recognize the negative cycle and simplify your issues down to a pattern. When we feel like our conflicts are just one-off fights we can feel overwhelmed and dismayed, but humans can solve patterns once they see it.
- Empathy. Couples counseling can also help couples develop empathy for their partner’s situation. Most of us desire connection and autonomy in different proportions. Sometimes we are afraid that our partner doesn’t want us and that make us want to limit our vulnerability. We are afraid we’ve married a selfish person. But once we see our partner’s need for us, we feel relief. After we feel connected we can address specific issues that may be causing strain in our relationship, such as medical problems, finances, or parenting challenges.
- Relational Satisfaction. In addition to equipping couples to address specific issues, EFT couples counseling provides a path to dramatically increase their overall satisfaction in their relationship.
Overall, EFT couples counseling is a unique tool for any couple looking to improve their relationship. The understanding and connection it brings support communication, conflict resolution, and overcoming the challenges of a committed partnership. Don’t wait to get help. Schedule with us today!